[satire] Jeremiah the Prophet is leading contender for Antisemite Of The Year

“Breaking news”!

JERUSALEM — The city’s authoritative council recently by unanimous consent seconded the nomination of rogue priest Jeremiah for Antisemite Of The Year. Of Hilkiah’s family, Jeremiah was roundly condemned for his hateful invective against the Unconditionally Chosen And Perpetually Special Aryan Jewish People.

For years, this kook Jeremiah—the most recent of deranged right-wing conspiracy theorists since Habakkuk—blasphemously invokes the name of God demanding the Jewish Nation repent under the fringe impression Israel can any wrong whatsoever. From his days as an unlearned child, Jeremiah began irresponsibly shirking priestly duties, displaying abrupt schizophrenic characteristics claiming the reception of visions deemed illegitimate by national experts who agree the Chaldeans pose no threat to Judah whatsoever. Critics lambasted Jeremiah for his retarded assertion Babylon will conquer Judah from the north—infallibly majestic fact-checkers confirmed the Chaldeans are situated to the east, debunking the yokel’s claims.

Among his Jew-hate diatribes, Jeremiah revived blood libel tropes from that of preceding antisemitic conspiracy theorist Isaiah, accusing Israel’s skirts of bearing “the blood of the souls of the poor innocents.” He claims Jews are stupid and covered in “confusion,” that the Jewish Nation constitutes a “den of robbers” and will be destroyed. His contemptible statements equivocated Israel to the local goyim as “uncircumcised” and boasted the chutzpah to liken a significant bulk of Jews to bad figs “which could not be eaten.” Local residents horrified at his incitement of genocide against the Chosen Jewish People™ demanded Jeremiah face accountability for his criminal self-hatred. Old friends of Jeremiah from Anathoth excoriated the self-hating Jew, proving no prophet is accepted in his hometown (← please ignore this redacted section and do not read it) how worthless of a wretch this charlatan, proclaiming himself a God’s spokesperson, truly is.

Regarded a most unfortunate decision, King Zedekiah refused to implement drastic actions silencing Jeremiah—at the present moment imprisoned for third-degree hate speech—and his fellow traveler companion Baruch amidst recent beckoning from that insufferable Ethiopian snitch Ebedmelech. In a prior interlude generating doleful miseries, Shaphan’s virulently antisemitic son Ahikam delivered Jeremiah from a crowd demanding justice. Meanwhile Jerusalem’s population continue to suffer from the mental trauma inflicted by Jeremiah’s perpetual Jew-hate.

Hananiah remains unavailable for comment.

Update: multiple unidentified anonymous sources corroborated Irijah’s accusation suspected all along—Jeremiah is a paid agent of proxies operating on behalf of the Babylonians. Claims countering otherwise are considered dangerous conspiracy theories and should be reported immediately to the Aryan Judahite Defense League Of The Esteemed Chosen Master Race®.